Strange Encounters

Earlier this morning, when me and my roommate were leaving for office, he saw our building’s nepali guard, and commented on his looks - “This guy is good looking, no."
I chuckled at his observation and pulled his leg saying “What the duck? Are you gay or what? Hazaar ladkiyan hain duniya mein…saale, tujhe ek ye ladka hi pasand aaya?”

Btw, earlier I thought 'gay' was a term used for 'happy, high-spirited' people as the oxford dictionary says. And I could freely use the word to describe myself "I am a very gay person." Well...that was until i knew there's a species existing by the same term. Now, if i use the same sentence to describe myself, imagine the reactions.

Now, I would be as much interested in talking about gays as Elton John in discussing cricket. For people with low greater kailash..GK i mean...who think Elton John was Pope John II, go to google and type Elton John…and you will find that Mr. John is a gay who married his long time girl..oops boyfriend David Furnish. But fact of the matter is that this harmless, banter about gay thing took a different turn when suddenly my roommate, who is actually a freaking, careless guy, asked me “Hay you ever met a gay?”.

And we always need some faltu topic to kill our boring journey from home to office every morning. Now, that question was a little uncomfortable. And out of just sounding cool, I said ‘Are you kidding me. No. never. What about you?” And surprisingly, my roommate said “Yes.” And I got interested. “Tell me more.” Now let me tell you what happened to him. He once visited a temple, some place in South India, with his dad. And they decided to stay overnight at the temple’s dharamshala. There was this old, frailing priest, who called my roomie. He went to him and touched his feets. Now, Mr. Priest had other intentions. He immediately grabbed his hands and hugged him strongly, moving his hands all over his body which veered dangerously to uncomfortable places. And my roomie was totally frightened. Next time he never went near him. But he was totally embarrassed. How can a priest do this? I mean, the thought of looking at a guy with those intentions knocks me over. It simply freaks me out. My roommate’s frankness really rubbed upon me. I decided to confess. And when I was confessing…tell you what… I felt like a child who just got caught by his mom for steeling a pack of Parle G from the upper most drawer in the kitchen. You must have experienced how uncomfortable you felt when you got caught red handed like that in any situation. Sharam se doob marne ka mann karta hai. Yes, I too have had an encounter of a homo kind. Now, you may not believe it, but I don’t need some stamp of approval to say that I have been molested. You think..a guy getting molested sounds as alien as someone predicting Rajasthan Royals would win the IPL20-20 before the tournament started. Well…I recommend you read Khaled Hussaini’s ‘The Kite Runner’. You will know, as I found out, that a boy can be raped too. Yes..don’t blink your eyes. You read it right..a boy can also be raped. I don’t want to bold or capitalize that most-dreaded four letter word. It still has the same meaning.

Rolling back the time machine a few years ago when I was just a school kid..flashback..circa 1996. I was in class 8th at that time. 13..going on 14. I always took a DTC bus (those days, there used to be those killer..red lines) from school to home. And one day, I was travelling in one such bus…going back home. I grabbed the back seat in the bus, which was relatively crowded..though not like it used to be in the morning. And there’s this middle-aged guy sitting adjacent to me. I was looking at the history exam papers when he suddenly asked “You had an exam today?”. I nodded and there was a lurking fear he won’t ask me how it went. Now, my marks in history can be compared to the bikini worn by Anna Kournikova – Minimal. And I was in no mood to tell my marks to some stranger. Btw, this middle-aged uncle ji was trying to be extra friendly. And I don’t know when it happened but I sensed a hand going below the school bag that I had placed on my lap and touching my thighs. First, I thought he might have unintentionally touched me trying to let other people adjust. But when the unexpected happened…his hands din’t stop..I was completely shocked, shaken..whatever u say. It took me a second to realize that this is the next, aspiring Mr. Elton John. I stood up immediately and got out of the bus on the next stop. Out of the bus, I was completely shocked. I couldn’t understand what it was and why it happened to me. I could have thrashed that guy..hit him. But what would I tell him, and tell the people around…that he was touching me at uncomfortable places..he was trying to molest me? Who would have believed me? But I bet I see this gay guy now, and I ll crush his....The whole day, I kept feeling uncomfortable on that incident. Consider my age yaar..13 only. What the duck this man found attractive about me? Tchee..tchee!!

Apart from the regular boys flanking them and eve teasing, girls too must be having some strange encounters..like meeting with lesbians. I don’t know how they would have felt in such situations. Well..actually I do have some idea about how girls may feel about this. Recently I saw a play called “Manto Ismat Hazir Hain” by Naseeruddin Shah. And the play was about such relationships.

I don’t know if such incidents would have happened with other boys. It happened to me once only, but it happens to girls everyday. And I really feel for girls who are surrounded by voyeurs and eve teasers like bees around honey. It’s such a common species, like cows and buffalos on the streets of Delhi. Everyday, it must be so uncomfortable for them. The moment they step out of their home, they are sure to find eyes oogling at them. The autorickshaw wallah adjusts his rear view mirror to get a better view. Two men on a speeding bike decide to have a peek-a-boo at you and discuss what they think of you. Some even might follow you if they are really wella. The bus conductor in a blue line bus stares at you and passes lewd comments. And what do you do between all this..Just pretend not to hear them, swear at them under your breath and always trying to avoid eye contact. Seems like I am watching a horror movie. Mere se pucho toh girls should be like Mauli Zimik ..jisne woh chaanta lagaya tha us ladke ko Chak De movie mein..and like Balbir Kaur..Koi rok sake na tok, jo jyada bole thok..hai dil mein jo bhi baat, tu bak de..oye chak de!

But seriously, being a parent of a girl must be tough..Always, this tension of their child’s safety. Sometimes I hate being born a guy..Some such bad fish (I am confused..fish ka plural fishes hota hai ya fish) with rotten minds have given, us, guys bad names.